


Cross My Heart (and hope to die)

by DecimalSheep



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, SIKE, Time Travel, hah, more time travel, sakura is very done, she wishes, she’s going to do nothing from now on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 03:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14741060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DecimalSheep/pseuds/DecimalSheep
Summary: Sakura’s done. She is just. Done.





	Cross My Heart (and hope to die)

When she wakes up, there’s confusion. There’s a tingling sensation in her chest, a phantom pain that she shouldn’t be able to feel because -

Because she’s dead. Or should be.

At first she thinks it’s just some stupidly crafted genjutsu because who in their right of mind would believe it?

But days turn to months and months into years and nothing happens.

She steps on thin ice with every interaction she makes, she doesn’t know who to trust or if she can at all. She shies away from her parents, the neighbors and the people on the street, from ninja and civilians and from everything that moves and breathes.

And nothing happens.

She’s six when she enters the academy because there’s really no reason not to.

She recognizes all her teammates and the few that aren’t.

She avoids Ino and Shikamaru and Hinata andsasukeandnaruto and settles herself next to a kid she doesn’t know. She doesn’t know him and he doesn’t know her and she keeps it that way. 

She’s ten when she finally begins to think, what if.

Iruka yells at them and Ino acts like Ino and Shikamaru is the same as always. Sasuke and Naruto bicker and Hinata needs to be more confident and other children make fun of her forehead.

It’s been five years and nothing’s happened.

Why?

If it is a genjutsu, why? Why give her the past instead of making her suffer in the present? future? Why show her this?

Why keep her alive?

If it isn’t a genjutsu…

She doesn’t want to think about it.

She really, really doesn’t want to think about it.

But what else could it be? 

She’s twelve when she’s assigned to Team Seven with Naruto and Sasuke.

Kakashi is late, like always, Naruto declares his goal to become Hokage, like always, Sasuke wants revenge, like always.

She says to them that her hobbies include gardening and that her dream is to become head doctor of the hospital. Kakashi gives her a grin and says that her dream is ambitious and realistic without ever looking at the other two.

She’s thirteen when the Chuunin Exam begins.

Orochimaru attacks them in the forest and Sasuke gets the curse mark.

She does nothing because she doesn’t know what to do. What to change.

If she could change it.

She’s standing across Ino in the final exam when she realizes with a start that they’re not friends.

She has never cried because of her bullies and has always pushed back her bangs.

Ino has never approached a small girl with pink hair, has never handed her flowers and an offer of friendship.

She stands for a whole thirty seconds when the proctor starts the match.

The two don’t yell at each other. There’s no hair chopping on Ino’s part. Inner doesn’t appear because the match ends before anything can really begin.

She’s not crying when Sasuke leaves again.

She’s sixteen and ready to scream.

Everything is the same. Nothing has changed.

Jiraiya flirts and Tsunade drinks and she’s working the night shift at the hospital. Naruto spoils Icha Icha and the two of them get the bells.

She’s resigned to the truth by the time Suna brings word of Gaara’s abduction.

She’s skeptical, always has been, and she still can’t really believe it. Really?

Time travel?

But they follow the Scorpion’s trail and end up back at that cave.

Sasori dies, and Chiyo doesn’t. She makes sure of that because this time around her reserves are much bigger and she has much more to give to offer during Gaara’s resurrection.

She’s eighteen when she smiles at her team.

It’s a grimace more than anything, but they understand it for what it’s for. They go to war, the fourth in shinobi history.

She saves people and kills more than she saves. They fight, they fight, and they fight.

And they win.

She’s twenty when she’s sent on a relatively easy mission. She’s to check up on the post near the northern border because they haven’t sent any hawks for the last few days. She declines back up.

She dies because fuck Kabuto.

 

 

 

She’s five when she wakes up flailing and falling out her bed.

She blinks and stares at her hands and her first thought is, _what?_

She’s six when she enters the academy and tentatively approaches Ino with open arms because she’s missed her, okay?

They smile and they laugh and she thinks that maybe it’s not so bad.

Third time's the charm, right? 

She’s twelve and she makes sure she’s on Team Seven.

She gives them all a tired smile and repeats her dream for all of them to hear. Kakashi gives her a small grin and repeats his words from the last time.

She’s thirteen and she’s standing in front of Sasuke again like all those years ago.

She tells him not to leave and this time there are tears because she’s mad. He declines and this time she knows what she has to do.

Uchiha Sasuke wakes up in the hospital the next morning and is placed under probation for trying to leave the village.

He disappears a week later, leaving empty sheets and no traces behind.

She’s eighteen and fighting the war again.

More people are alive but at the same time more people are dead.

She ignores the blood on her hands and continues to fight, and fight, and fight.

And they win.

She dies at thirty-two, during the fifth war in shinobi history.

 

 

 

She’s five when she wakes up, tired and a scream dying in her throat. She’s bleary eyed and aching from injuries she doesn’t have. 

She’s six when she fights her parents on entering the academy.

She goes anyway, because she knows running isn’t the right thing to do.

She steers clear of Ino ( _who lays comatose and likely to never wake up_ ) and Shikamaru ( _a gash in his throat that leaves over half the enemies dead_ ) and Hinata ( _who stayed behind with her head held high and hands poised to strike)._

She doesn’t even look at Naruto ( _who refused treatment because others needed it more_ ) or Sasuke for entirely different reasons.   
  
( _lips curled and cruel, a flash and the chirping of a thousand birds-_ )

She tears her gaze away from the back of his head and keeps it firmly at the front.

She sits next to the kid whose name she still doesn’t know.

She’s twelve when she ends up on Team Seven even though she doesn’t really try this time.

She says that her dream is to make sure it doesn’t come true. Kakashi blinks at her and then swiftly moves on the conversation. No comment.

She hopes he can’t see the way that she stares at them, with desperate and pain filled eyes ( _with hatred and an intent to kill_.)

She tries to hide it but most of the time she just can’t help it.

She’s twelve and a half when she kills someone for the (fifth? tenth? twentieth?) first time.

It’s the hunter-nin. _Haku,_ she thinks belatedly. Naruto told her about him, once. Or maybe twice?

She throws the needle before he does. He drops, and Zabuza along with him. There’s no regret. She has nothing against the guy.

But Sasuke can’t get the Sharingan.

Not again.

She’s thirteen and it’s the Chuunin Exams when she wonders, not for the first time, _can I kill him?_

Not should, because she really just wants him dead.

But can she?

She flexes her fingers and makes sure to not make eye contact. 

Kabuto dies in the forest before he realizes it. Hemlock, and maybe a couple of stabs to everywhere she can reach.

She burns the body and buries the ashes in eight different locations, just to make sure. 

Orochimaru still appears even without Sasuke having the Sharingan.

She fights and rages against him but it still happens like it always has.

She forfeits her match against Ino.

She’s seventeen when they run into Sasuke.

He threatens them both, Sharingan bright and red, and she breaks his sword without breaking eye contact because fuck him for looking down on her.

He breaks her arm and three of her ribs but it only makes laughing hurt.

She’s eighteen when her arm in buried in his stomach and his hand in her chest.

She bares her teeth at him in a mockery of a smile.

She’s not sure if they win.

 

 

 

She’s five when she wakes up with a tingling sensation in her chest and a phantom pain she shouldn’t be able to feel.

She ignores it because she is used to it and jumps out the window.

Uchiha Sasuke dies that night and nobody notices there’s a young girl missing until later that week.

Uchiha Itachi was always protective.

 

 

 

She’s five when she decides to just not become a ninja.

She throws a tantrum when her parents disagree and screams her throat out. She lives her life as a civilian with a raspy voice and eyes like broken glass.

She turns away from Kiba playing ninja and Shino at the library.

She ducks her head when passing by the florist and barbecue restaurant.

She never steps foot into the shinobi sector.

She ignores everything and anything.

She’s thirteen when she dies during the invasion.

She’s five when she decides to become a doctor.

Not a ninja. Just a doctor.

She passes the entrance exam with flying colors and is apprenticed under the head surgeon. Kabuto dies of stress.

She’s twenty-three when she dies of overwork.

She’s five when she runs away from home.  

She becomes a merchant and travels the nation. Her wares are made up of various tags and seals she makes herself. 

She’s fifty when she dies on the road to bandits. 

She’s five when she gets over Ino’s death.  

She becomes a florist at their shop. They become friends, but never best ones. 

She’s twenty-six when she dies.

She’s five.

She begs the Hokage to listen to her story but he sends her away and Root comes for her that night.

She dies.

She’s five.

She storms the tower to yell at anybody who will listen to her story but nobody does.

She dies.

She’s five.

She throws out more than a few people’s skeletons for all to see and she’s thrown into the cells.

She dies.

She’s five, fourteen, eight, eighteen, eighty.

She dies.

She’s five when she breaks into the Hokage Tower to rant about how stupid her life is and how there’s no point to doing anything.

She’s five when she walks up to the memorial stone to apologize to her friends. She runs before Kakashi gets there.

She’s five when she grabs Naruto’s hand and never looks back.

She’s five when she wakes up and doesn’t get out of bed.

 

 

 

She’s five.

 

 

 

She dies.

 

 

 

She’s five when she wakes up and there isn’t any confusion.

She knows exactly where she is, when she is, and who she is.

 _I’m Haruno Sakura,_ she tells herself bitterly. _Don’t know the age but going on five for the hundredth fucking time._

She tugs the blankets harshly over her head.

Time won’t stop but she will.

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter won’t be out for a while, if there even is one.


End file.
